The LiarMan

[RICK]

I don't know why I attract weird co workers. Maybe everyone does. We got a new guy who is a compulsive liar. I've nicknamed him "LiarMan" (I stole the name from an episode of Cops). Instead of keeping a blog with his lies, I'm just going to post them here. Have fun.

Description:

Name: LiarMan
Birthdate: Unknown (He's 30)
Height: Roughly 5'6"
Weight: Claims he's 230 pounds but he's easily rockin 300.
Original lies:
- Beat up 15 guys in high school after which he was recruited by the principal to intimidate the gang members of the school. By the end of his freshman year he turned 60% of all gang members to athletes.
- Got a full scholarship to (originally) SDSU for football. Later his story switched schools and USC was the school that offered him the scholarship. Regardless of the school, he ended up breaking his leg one week before school started so they canceled his scholarship.
- Used to run 5 hours a day, followed by swimming for two hours and weight lifting for another hour. Every day.
- Played one game with the international Mexico soccer team.

I will update this thread when I can.

Update #1: (This might be shitty to put on here but suck my dix) Had a meeting with our bookkeeper who explained he's going to have two child support deductions on his checks. He said he doesn't have to pay child support. He was told he does and then shown the documents that explained it and asked him to name what kids they were for.


Update #2: I don't know what happened today. It's like he drank a bunch of Liarman Red Bull today or something. He is on point. I might even have another update later. For now...

- He started talking about throwing parties at a restaurant he used to work at. They would close the place down and party inside. This might be truth. I mean, it sounds reasonable. Here's the kicker... He gets caught by his boss who takes him into his office and tells him he can't be throwing parties in the restaurant anymore. INSTEAD of firing his ass his boss says "You know what? I hear you're good at throwing parties so I want you to throw a party for me." Liarman replies with something like "Here in the restaurant?" and his boss says "No. At my apartment." and so Liarman asks how much time he has to plan this party and guess what??? HE ONLY HAS 3 HOURS. Of course he hosted the craziest and best party any of them have ever been to.

- So he used to play indoor soccer in some league somewhere. I smelt the bullshit on that one right away. He tells me a fight broke out and all his team ran off because they were scared. Of course, he stayed and so did 3 teammates. He said they stood back to back and were surrounded by 20 guys from the other team (He stole this scene from every action movie ever). They keep talking to each other about making a plan. One of the guys he's about to fight is actually a PRO BOXER. He tells his teammates... "Don't worry I'll take the boxer". They thank him and prepare to fight. Then his friend comes who is bigger than anyone there and scares the whole other team off. They barely made it out of there.


Update #3: This could technically go into his previous lies section but I think it would look a little more clean down here. On the same day he said he played for the Mexico soccer team he also told me had a friend who played for team USA hockey at the Olympics. An obvious lie. I was a little shocked and pissed that this dude lied to me about something I'm pretty knowledgeable about. I played along. "What was his name?"... Of course, Liarman didn't remember. The next thing I ask is... "Was he from San Diego?" he told me he was. Right then and there I wanted to just get up and say "STOP LYING YOU FUCKING RETARD". I let it go. My response was "No one from SD has ever played in the Olympics for hockey." I mean fuck dude, no one from SD has ever played on the Junior National Team. He insists that he's right because he saw his friends medals. I was pretty heated at this point and just kept saying "Nope". He finally replies "Maybe my friend played a low division or something." I said "Sure." and went on with my day.

Update #4: He just told me the Mexican military wanted him to teach English and math. He decided not to do it. This is coming from a dude who spells pickle "P-I-Q-U-E-L" and pronounces Aladdin "All-den"


Update #5: This isn't a lie but more of a story to give you guys some insight on what I'm dealing with here... I'm still kind of showing him the ropes with a lot of the routine stuff we do here. One thing we do is track our drivers via a GPS system online that shows their location based on their Nextel phone. I was showing him the ins and outs of that. It's really not hard. You log in, look at the map, drivers are listed by name, and each one of their stops is indicated on screen as a landmark position. He tried scrolling around with the arrows but it works more like Google maps where you click and drag and zoom with the scroll thing on the mouse. He fucks up and slides over all the way to China. He laughs and I just tell him to go back to SD. He's slowly dragging his way back. Little by little he's scrolling left and then he stops somewhere around the very middle of Africa and starts going up. I say again "Scroll back to the states dude." He laughs and says "haha I uh I don't know where they're at." For a second I thought he was joking but then I thought about it and I wasn't too shocked. I tell him he's in Africa. He agrees and says he knows that. I ask him if he's being completely honest and if he really doesn't know where the USA is on a world map. He says he doesn't remember. I put my head down and tell him to keep going.

Update #6: Another non-lie. He asked me if San Diego is a city. I stared blankly at him. Then he says "Oh wait, uh is California a city?"

[PUTOFIED]

dude please this guy is pure entertaining

[david]

8 hours of exercise a day everyday is pretty good.

i still want to know about that guy that fought ninja turtles and stole peoples food at mcdonalds but was so fast they didnt know

[FreeMyLand]

Lol, when guys who have never exercised lie about exercising

[RICK]

Jesse the Ninja... I don't know if I ever posted every story about him. He was completely insane. I kinda felt bad for the guy because he had some undiagnosed mental problems, for sure. But whatever it was lolz. I can make a ninja story thread. Anything would be cool to get this board worth reading again I guess.

[shivaun]

this thread rules rick.

at my job, i was recently made a supervisor of a single student worker. the guy i supervise is a grad student in geology. he wears the same thing every day, which is a pair of those keen sandals (http://www.planetshoes.com/mmPLANET/...985_detail.jpg) with a pair of brown cargo shorts and a different wolf/moose/raccoon/bear/puma shirt (always tie dyed). like he must have bought a 20 pack of different animal shirts. it is hysterical, i'm keeping a daily list of the animal on his shirt. so far in the two weeks i've been doing this he's worn one every day.

[RICK]

First update in OP.

[kool ken]

that gang member lie is a fucking wopper of lie. props to your co worker for just going big. ive had so many fucked up coworkers. when i get time ill write about the crazy tweakers i had to work with in the bakery.

[Gooch]

Try doing 10 minutes of lap swimming, then imagine doing that for two hours.

[You'reNotWelcome]

Originally Posted by david

8 hours of exercise a day everyday is pretty good.

i still want to know about that guy that fought ninja turtles and stole peoples food at mcdonalds but was so fast they didnt know

Yeah, I remember Rick posting something about some black dude that used to come into Game Stop and say he was a ninja and shit.

But yeah, 8 hours of exercise, did you ask him how long he would sleep?